Post by TomH on Dec 18, 2005 16:16:44 GMT
Humans existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunter/gatherers.
They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer & would go to the
Coast and live on fish and lobster in winter.
The two most important events in all of history were the invention of
beer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man
to the beer. These were the foundation of modern civilization and
together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two
distinct subgroups: Liberals and Conservatives.
Once beer was discovered it required grain and that was the beginning
of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were
invented yet, so while our early human ancestors were sitting around
waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery.
That's how villages were formed.
Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to B-B-Q at
night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is
known as "the Conservative movement."
Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live
off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly B-B-Q's and doing
the sewing, fetching and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the
Liberal movement. Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into
women. The rest became known as 'girliemen.'
Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats,
the invention of group therapy and group hugs and the concept of
Democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that
conservatives provided.
Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most
powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized
by the jackass.
Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer
white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their
beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare.
Another interesting revolutionary side note: most liberal women have
higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers,
personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group
therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule
because it wasn't "fair" to make the pitcher also bat.
Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red meat and still provide
for their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys,
lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police
officers, corporate executives, Marines, athletes, and generally anyone
who works productively outside government. Conservatives who own
companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living.
Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to "govern" the
producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe
Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the
liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America.
They crept in after the Wild West was tame and created a business of
trying to get MORE for nothing.
Here ends today's lesson in world history:
It should be noted that a Liberal might have a momentary urge to
respond to the above before simply laughing and forwarding it. A
Conservative will be so convinced of the absolute truth of this history
that it will be forwarded immediately to other "true believers."
They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer & would go to the
Coast and live on fish and lobster in winter.
The two most important events in all of history were the invention of
beer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man
to the beer. These were the foundation of modern civilization and
together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two
distinct subgroups: Liberals and Conservatives.
Once beer was discovered it required grain and that was the beginning
of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were
invented yet, so while our early human ancestors were sitting around
waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery.
That's how villages were formed.
Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to B-B-Q at
night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is
known as "the Conservative movement."
Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live
off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly B-B-Q's and doing
the sewing, fetching and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the
Liberal movement. Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into
women. The rest became known as 'girliemen.'
Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats,
the invention of group therapy and group hugs and the concept of
Democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that
conservatives provided.
Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most
powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized
by the jackass.
Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer
white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their
beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare.
Another interesting revolutionary side note: most liberal women have
higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers,
personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group
therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule
because it wasn't "fair" to make the pitcher also bat.
Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red meat and still provide
for their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys,
lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police
officers, corporate executives, Marines, athletes, and generally anyone
who works productively outside government. Conservatives who own
companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living.
Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to "govern" the
producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe
Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the
liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America.
They crept in after the Wild West was tame and created a business of
trying to get MORE for nothing.
Here ends today's lesson in world history:
It should be noted that a Liberal might have a momentary urge to
respond to the above before simply laughing and forwarding it. A
Conservative will be so convinced of the absolute truth of this history
that it will be forwarded immediately to other "true believers."
